Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Rootless Rebirth


Surrounded by the stillness of the a day that expects no night, I can only feel the melodies inside my frozen body, the microdermal cacophony inside my cells.

There is almost no change outside these caves. Sometimes a gentle kiss from the frost on my cheek, but it is another dead weight on my carcass.

I wish I were something real, something that could actually feel like a living creature. Memories walk even slightly more apathetic than they used to crawl. I can hardly think, sunk into the ice, driven away from any contact with reality.

On my knees, for the rain has become a part of me, forcing me to rest on my legs...my fists cracking a wound on the careless soil...and island resting over the support for my own self. Before I will finally drown.

Forgotten, I may have been born to live just a few days. My time a continuous blinking of the eyes towards a past that never existed and a future that will have more than one end.

Before the dark one comes to take me, I will have bled my own hopes over this whiteness, my thickness transpired through your cruel womb where you conceived me. Giving myself back to where I shouldn't have digged into, scorching my way back to another world. Warmer, I hope...meaningless no more.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Pensamientos bajo el manto de hielo






Los últimos días del verano parecen tan lejanos que vagamente recuerdo su aroma y mucho menos su sabor. Se ensanchaban los días, sueltos, libres del abotargado pulso de la sangre en el ininterrumpido vals de la rutina. Fría, calculadora, dictadora del universo de la divagación intelectual.


El sol brillaba sobre nosotros y parecía que el día nunca acabaría, marcaba el terreno para un nuevo desencuentro que encontrábamos ingenioso en su perezoso acabar y sonreíamos ante la trivialidad de todo lo que ocurría. El agua, el sol, la arena...todos ellos esculpían nuestro despertar y nos mecían muy esperadamente durante el día hacia la añorada noche tórrida de los días de mi idealizado mes de julio.

Tanto me dejé llevar, que no sentí el paso del tiempo, la mutada naturaleza del sedimento temporal que maquilla este cuerpo sin provocar desesperación aún. La fina arena del Mediterráneo fue barrida por las melancólicas caricias del otoño, sus bellas manos apartadas de mí más tarde por el lento y pesado manto blanco que absorbe toda la luz que puede albergar un invierno largo y profundo. El hielo hace todo más lento, más doloroso y a su vez más profundo.Todo es relevante en su irrelevancia supina.

Dentro de este limbo helado personal de circunstancias sin motivo y sin fin me encuentro yo, buscando y no encontrando, encontrando sin buscar a veces soluciones a enigmas no planteados y a los que nadie importa su desenlace. Aquí, un día, la nieve me dejará y despedirá mis pensamientos.

Quizá entonces todo se dilate de nuevo, el amor, el beso y el cielo entre tus piernas. Y sólamente entonces soñaremos de nuevo con lo que echaremos de menos y nunca tendremos hasta que dejemos de bailar al son de los caprichosos elementos.

Saturday, 12 December 2009

The Crow flashback

This composition would always be a nice company to the writings in this blog. The vid and the music blend successfully and it suits perfectly the universe described here. Enjoy:


Sunday, 29 November 2009

Blackrope Heights III





She was still waiting. There were some roads that she may have considered taking, but in the end she decided to stay inside the old house at the left corner, hidden behind the oak at the end of the hill.

Nobody had seen her in a very long time, and yet she could see no one approaching her door. At first, her disappearance had been just a rumor suspended in the midst of the words whispered ear to ear in the village. The grass had grown outside her house, reaching the path towards to top of the hill, but you could hardly see any soul crossing that spot in the town to reach the top. There where the mystery still lied.


Her house was majestic, its roots carved and settled inside the pit of the rocks of the mountain. It had once been the first reunion place in Blackrope Heights. People came in and left their blessings, shared their hopes, drunk with pleasure. It was back then when they were two.

One day, he left. In the night, silent, stolen from the bed where he had hugged the love of his life for countless nights. No word, no written note, no trace of footprints from outside. He just vanished and she never had any news from him.

Months, years, and a decade followed and she was still alone.

The window used to be her mirror, day and night. She would spend her time diving into the images of her brain mixed with her own reflection at dusk. Slowly her image faded, erased by the rusting weight of her thoughts in the sands of dusting time.

She forgot the light, and embraced the dark. Her bed was always open, and yet she never got back to it. Her lustful body remained intact. White and soft, naked under the spell of the moon's embrace. She gave away her desires, her dreams and her happiness to pay the price to keep all the melancholy inside her. She fed on the anxiety and learned to be one with her. Present and Future dissolved under the acid touch of doom.

And finally she ceased to breathe, to care, to move. But her eyes did not close. She stared and glanced through the window outside the world that used to be hers. Inside, all was dead and black, forgotten and abandoned. Lonely and mourning, her organs gave up and remained motionless too. The pulse slowly fading, the blood drying under the last sounds of drums from her heart.

....

And one night, the legends say some neighbors could hear a horse walk up to the last house, on the left corner behind the old oak. And old woman still says she swears she saw a black shadow emerge from the own oak's reflection under the full moon light. The shadow knocked on the door, and after some minutes of wait it finally left on the horse again. Instead of returning downhill toward the river, the mysterious knight continued his path uphill towards the cross on the top where nobody dared to go. And then all became as black as it had once been. The woman claims the shadow eclipsed her vision of the moon and that no trace of light could be seen any more during that night.

"The shadow swallowed the moon and didn't return it to the sun"

A man was there on the river side the following morning, listening to the woman's words about the events of the previous night . He listened to the story and then let his horse drink some water while he walked towards Blackrope Heights. Nobody had seen this man before, and yet he seemed to know where he was going. He ascended towards the old oak and entered the blinding light that covered the space beyond it. The door opened to him and he got in finally, leaving all that he had lived behind him.

He entered the bedroom and found the bed just has he had left it. He could smell her perfume, the sweet essence of his love that he had always kept in his heart and soul during the enduring moments he had been forced to live. He followed the trace of her beloved to the window. There, right before the window glass he found three red blood pearls, the last tears from her wife resting solid as a witness of her presence.

And finally he looked through the window. He touched the webs that collapsed his vision towards the outside landscape. When he'd done that he could finally see her, arms stretched and loving eyes looking at him from the outside. He cried and touched the image from inside and stayed like this for the rest of his time.

.....

The legend says that during the night of full moon in November, if you dare to visit the last house in town, behind the shadow of the old oak you will see the beautiful statue of the most gorgeous woman Blackrope Heights ever had, next to the right side of the abandoned mansion. Her hands are placed on the window glass, her eyes looking inside the house...

...if you dare to enter the house at your own risk, you will see another statue. A man is standing beside the window in the bedroom. His hands are touching the hands reflected from the other side of the window. If you stand there for enough time, right where the lovers touch, the moon light will entirely disappear into the surface of the lovers' stones. And maybe, just maybe, you will disappear too.

Thursday, 12 November 2009



A veces soy incapaz de traspasar con mis deseos la fina tela de piel formada alrededor de mi cuerpo. Si la miras en el espejo, te asombrará no encontrarla allí. Cuando la buscas bajo tu camisa descubres que se ha evaporado, y sin embargo nunca te ha abandonado. Sabes que está contigo y que nunca se despega de tí.


Se ha formado día tras día, impulsada por el tejer de las agujas del tiempo, movidas estratégicamente por la araña gigante y repulsiva del tiempo. Se fija en tí, se amolda a tus latidos y traza sus pasos en tus párpados, en tus manos, en tu cuello. Poco a poco se apodera de tí cual sopor nocturno, visible únicamente en la oscuridad espiritual del individuo.


La mirada se empequeñece, los abrazos duelen y los miembros se endurecen para no volver a suavizarse...como el rostro de una joven esperando la promesa de un mañana que nunca llegará. Las lágrimas ya no tocan la cara, se deslizan por el cuerpo sin dejar huella que te haga sentir tu humanidad. Te mueves con pereza, bebes con fiereza por hacer pugnar tu cuerpo bajo la esclavitud de la capa de indiferencia.


Luchas, pierdes, sufres, y no obtienes respuesta en tu interior.


Finalmente, la capa se cierra, te ahogas y desesperas. La ceguera te invade y desconoces la diferencia entre el día y la noche. El año se convierte en mes, y los días son tragos de odio que no puedes vomitar. La agonía continúa hasta que por fín notas un cambio. Tu nueva piel ha encontrado un hueco, un abismo desde el que te llenará de oscuridad, la conexión entre tu alma y tu cuerpo, el cordón umbilical de la hecatombe se ve reactivado.


Los órganos la sienten, la brisa de un soplo de polvo esparcido sobre las vísceras...la ceniza de un pasado se posa por dentro y no puedes toser. Ya no hay mañana, ni ayer ni los quizás y tampoco. La oscuridad ha penetrado en tí y te ha desposeído de toda tu humanidad. Tu alma es negra, viscosa, pestilenta y moribunda.


Una noche te miras al espejo y tú tampoco estás. Te has marchado y no has dejado nada.

Monday, 9 November 2009

Darkness

I will start talking since I don't want to lose my sanity. I woke up in this darkness, alone in an absolute darkness. There is nothing around, at least I can't see it. I don't even know if I'm standing or if I'm lying somewhere. All I know is that I am alone in a place I have never been to, and in a situation never experienced.
 
You may wonder how I have arrived to this point. I wish I could tell you that. I wish you could tell me where I am, and what am I doing here. My name is Allison and I am a 21 year old girl from Bath, England. I am a student of Art and I dedicate my life to the paintings. If you want to know me the best advise I can give you is to go to my flat and look at my drawings. Don't worry about the keys, you will find them under the rug just before the door. I've never feared any burglars since I don't really own anything, and I doubt regular thieves will appreciate any of my inside world.

All of these things don't seem to matter much since I have no connection to anything here. I cannot tell you how I am, since I ignore if it's cold or warm in here. In fact I cannot trust most of my senses any longer since there is nothing I can relate to here. All I can know is that I hear my voice when I speak, that is why I have decided to look out for a friendly being.
You may think I am dead, but if so how come I can speak? That means some of my organs are alive. I am unable to verify some of these things though. I have tried to move and touch myself to aknowledge some of these basic truths...I have touched something but I'm not sure if it's mine...that was the first moment I felt some fear...It wasn't me, but it was human; I felt someone's nose, I apologised and talked in that direction, but i didn't get any answer. Some moments later I tried to touch that nose again and it wasn't there...that's when I felt I was alone. I moved my body in all directions and realised there is no gravity here. I could turn in all directions but i didn't find anything physical. Somehow I started losing my fear then. I started feeling free...I could even feel some fresh air caressing my hair...but I am not sure of it either.

Some moments later -the notion of time here is unknown to me- I started seeing something in front of me. I drew my body towards that blurry point in the space and tried to get closer. It was a ladder. I tried to climb and I could ascend in what it seemed quite a fast pace...But it never ended. The air seemed cooler in that region, and I felt lighter with each motion.
I spent quite a long time over there, trying to meet someone, in an attempt to know where I was. I got no answer and after a while I decided to go down the ladder again. The descending part was nicer, and I could even feel scared I could fall into the darkness...
The lower part of the stair had no end either. At least I couldn't find it. The air grew thicker down there...I felt warmer and I even started laughing without a reason. I decided I was going to stay there then. It felt nice over there, joy invading me and making me feel so good...

I could still see nothing, feel nothing...but my memories started coming back. I could remember Sarah, my girlfriend. She had that perfect smile...Oh God! I wish I could kiss her again, feel her presence around me...she makes me feel at peace with myself. She's always been there for me, even when things started getting difficult. When the cancer got me she didn't leave me. She came to live to my appartment and made me feel everything was normal, everything was all right. Sarah made me know how love is within a smile, in a sweet morning kiss with the sun erasing the mortality of the human flesh.

I started feeling lonely in that moment. Sarah wasn't here and I started crying. I don't know how long I kept on sobbing...But somehow I wasn't scared at any time. I just felt I needed someone to be with me in this darkness. That desire to avoid loneliness made me climb the ladder again.
And here I am, back where I woke up. I left the ladder and I didn't fall into anything, so i decided to try and fall asleep again...maybe it was all a dream after all...I would get up and Sarah would bring me some hot tea to bed and tell me we were going to get dressed and go to a new gallery exhibition. I would jump towards her and we would make love until she would ask me to stop... I would take her hand and we would walk next to the seaside and hear the seagulls talk into the shore...

I think I fell asleep at that moment. But I woke up and I knew this wasn't a dream anymore...I was here again. This time I could see some more. It was still dim but you could see something. Now I can't see any ladder but I can see my body. I am suspended in the air, if you want to know. I am wearing a beautiful white dress that I don't remember having bought...
I heard a sound and that's when i decided to talk to you. I wondered If the sound was coming in your direction and If you would take me back to light. You haven't done anything yet. I guess you would do it if you could, and maybe you will at some moment.

Can you tell me why I can't see my feet any more? They're slowly dissapearing...Why is there a light above? Why is it that I don't feel any pain in my dissapearing legs? My flesh is burning and melting and I feel so good...The darkness is swallowing me, grabbing my body with its grasp, staining my fancy dress of fortune...
I can taste the darkness in my mouth now...it tastes like Sarah

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

One of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to

Wednesday, 14 October 2009














You take my clothes off. They won't be of any use to where I am heading to. I shave my hair, exposing my skull to full view. No more need for aesthetics, no more care is needed. I can see a crossroads of veins born on my temples and following their roads all over the surface of the head. We are the roads we follow, and ultimately we come back and forth until we get bored of them. Difficult to admit, but there is always a dead end old road in everyone of us.


I later proceed to erase the rest of protection for my skin. The face loses expression as the brows fall on my chest, the marks of youth appear over my naked self as the intimate becomes unveiled. Hard to remember how one looks when we are children and we can barely see what we are diving in.

Then the knife, sharp and shining like in old times. The surface is cold as the veins it cuts, but the flowing soul runs warmer than I ever thought.

I paint with me all the mirrors in the room. In no delicate manner I fill them up with my ink until they vomit me, writing no love stanzas but a single voluminous spit of doom over my identity they can no longer represent. I cover them all, black from the rotten wounds of decay and vice, showing some crimson blush that soon fades with the venom of my older truths finally shown

Then I call you to where I am, and you lick me up. There is no need for rush, but you must take it all. As you swallow me, I can see in your eyes that you finally understand me. No need for words, you take me in and accept my will. Then you leave, and I stay a little more. I touch you for the last time, leaving your deep perfume on my finger tips. The same fingers I turn my last pages with.

Finally I lock all the doors that I opened all my life, sealing them with my last hopes that all I ever did was crossing them without leaving anything there. I wished I had created new doors, opened new gates and destroy all the ones that proved doomed. Nothing I ever did was worth being mentioned except these last lines.

The final door is opened by others, or by self impulse. There is a long corridor without walls. As I try to put my step on it I realise there is no floor, no ceiling, no door in itself. Then a splash of light hitting my cells, bathing me in a dream that should never end.

When I open my eyes,  I watch the hand of fate turn into a fist and digging its way into my chest, splitting my past life in two and taking its heart out.

Then...only long time after that...this same heart is buried on another chest, nailied all over it through different veins, under another skin. Another body will be there again, more blood will make it move and feel once more. I will get up and walk again only to find new doors to open, old roads to take. At the end you will be there and this time I will drink you. You will empty yourself in me and you will leave. I will cry over my mirrors and the black paint will wear off. My hair will grow back and my own self will reach the angles of my face to make it live.

The clothes will be there to cover me again, waiting for you to take them off once more

Monday, 5 October 2009

Dedicado a Mil

Cuando tú estabas siempre aquí, me gustaba mirarte de reojo. A veces sonreía y tu me respondías, siempre atento a todos mis movimientos.


Me respondías, dabas vueltas en círculos que sólo tú sabías descifrar. Pero me gustaba ver tu danza al lado de la ventana.

Si te hablaba desde otra habitación, tú siempre respondías. De manera más o menos explícita me hacías ver que me oías, me sentías, me esperabas.

Pasamos mucho tiempo juntos, muchas tardes y mañanas de campos verdes, música estruendosa, voces, ruidos, olores, aromas.

Tu siempre mirabas al cielo, al suelo, a las piernas de las chicas, a lo más bello de la vida.

Mi ilusión era sentirte siempre, como te siento ahora.

Muchas veces soñaba contigo, y tú eras aún más pequeño. Tenía miedo de perderte, de que tu identidad se desvaneciera, de que resbalaras de entre mis manos y no pudiera encontrarte.

Ahora que te has marchado, te busco por todas partes. A veces te encuentro, te apoyas en mi hombro y haces todos esos ruidos que tanto me gustaban.

Mi pequeño amigo alado, tus alas siempre abiertas, tus ojos siempre abiertos. El sonido de tu pico entre tus alas era la única melodía que destacaba entre los días más duros.

Tú siempre estabas ahí. Conmigo.

Siento que te he fallado. Confiabas en mí, y yo no supe protegerte del roce del negro manto de la oscuridad. Quería pedirte que me perdonaras, si puedes. Siempre torpe, nunca supe hacer las cosas bien. Muchas palabras y las acciones no me acompañaron.

Te marchaste y te echo de menos.

Necesito verte y hablarte. Que me cuentes qué estás viendo, qué forma tienes ahora.

Necesito que estés conmigo y me sigas acompañando.

Hasta que yo también cambie.

Me ofreceras la mano cuando yo también me marche?

Gracias por estar conmigo, gracias por cuidarme

Te quiero

Siempre

Mi pequeño amigo



Thursday, 1 October 2009

Otra vez












Y aquí nos encontramos otra vez.


Tú y yo mirando desde el mismo lado del espejo. Tu te bañas en su profundo abismo real, y yo bebo de las ondas que tu movimiento origina. De arriba a abajo, de manera gradual y envolvente, el agujero del tiempo se hace más lento e intenso a medida que subes a la superficie. Entonces vierto el aroma de la soledad en círculos de viciosos humores corrompidos por el aire gastado en la celda de lo etéreo. Rozo el sueño de una vida sin dueño y un collar con espinas se me adormece en los miembros. 


La belleza es horizontal y el amor es un contorno oblícuo que esculpe las rosas con cuya sangre, fuente de vida, me fundo y el sostén pierdo de la cordura sin fe. Ya no siento las telas con las que vestí mi miedo y desnudo ante el cielo caigo ante tí.  Con la espalda despierto, la mirada rebelde hacia el musgo de hielo que yace ante mí. Allá estás tú, rota y hermosa... En tu cuerpo se ocultan los versos dormidos en hojas de esparto y tinta de piel. Escribimos las prosas con sabor al aire que nunca sentimos rozar los caminos de nuestra pasión.


Y ahora siento que el olvido es un trino de un ave furtiva que escapa del yugo de la vida sin tí