Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Umbra genesis

I think I promised not to dance with death again. Last time I checked things were not so different than now, so this conversation should have never taken place.

My lips left the numb mouth of life long time ago and I still keep the last seconds of your breathing loss in my mind.

The last note was very clear on one aspect: we would never meet again. At least it shouldn't be in these circumstances. We were to be surrounded by other walls, furnished by experiences of an inverted dimension of values.

Don't blame this on me now, I had no choice but to open my eyes in the same room we said goodbye and if all of this seems redundant to you, I kindly request you to stop reading at this moment.

For this what I am about to tell you is nothing that you and I don't know already. We were part of this insanity together, and then we abandoned each other to all kind of perversions in order to avoid the void in it all. The blackness of our hopes had penetrated places where the mind escapes its voluntary prison and becomes a fragile toy in hands of no one sensitive enough to be called human.

But that, I insist, you are aware of it by now. Or you would better be...

I was closing the door, leaving us alone in the air of a sure death. Not sudden, not unexpectedly I looked at the corridor before me and I could feel relief and delectability for hope for the first time in years.

There you were again, or should I say me? Who could know what kind of phenomenon could this be about, only deciphered by the strange and twisted pages of insanity?

The same face, the very similar copy of my own features sent back to me in singular grim: the eyes shining, the mouth open in a cruel way, the predator looking at the master knowing that no more wait can be taken inside the cage of time.

I could not avoid staring at that image on the other side of the particular hollow mirror, my fingertips glued to the metallic door handle, my feet sealed on the wooden doorway. The horrible vision was slowly breathing from the very source of my air, squeezing my lungs and piercing my throat swiftly, nothing could seem to stop it. It was all clouded, the roof started to move and shriek, the window panes waved to the symphony of the rain clapping on my ears. I thought I was swallowed by the cold waters of a distant black sea, merciless and ruthless under the monotony of a severe storm night. The coldness was stronger, grabbing my back, shaking my ribs, pushing the liquids inside my caves. Pain was long ago gone, replaced by the comfort of a death you know that it would arrive one day. And finally, the void...


Some time later, the blood in my eyelids drums against my eyes, provoking a sudden awakenening to a different reality. You know what I am talking about, since I have longer referred to this in our talks. There i was, out on the street again, clad in a black...perfuming my suits with the scent of murder. My body was filled with a different cover, somehow penetrating smoothly through the pores of my skin, pouring all sorts of evil into my insides. My soul was been bathed in the new moon's decay, kissed by all the horrors always imagined. My heart was drawn in all this blackness and could not hold the bolts of sanity for much longer. Sanity was a toy in the hands of an old wise man, a minimalist searching for the deconstruction of human truths. Love was under the scalpel of a divine death, throned and sheltered by the collective horrors of the human fragility.

My old self was still there, clipped to the shades on its home, nailed to the memories of the past. So was its purity and values. His body was pure decoration, devoided of all colour...the flesh hardened and plastered onto the building, like any other gargoyle scaring the birds of peace away.
He was no longer man, I was again the monster I always feared to be.

I looked once more into the scene of death, with no signs of pity or remorse. I knew that this time there was no turning back, the paths of life had all directed into this one and the future laid clearly before me. I was born to haunt, to feed on shadows and live into the blackest realms of life. Searching for the roots of the human kind, studying the meanings of every move of each cell in my fellow beings. Breaking into their minds, sucking into their existential wounds to open other scars in me. A life dressed to portray all the poison of society into the air, its frames the own city streets, and the witness the crows and stones that will quietly stand by me.

You and I know what will be next, you can imagine that you can now leave me and try to escape to what it will surely happen. I doubt you can go very far, my voice is too tempting and so is my story. I am sure you want to forget about me, folding your blanket on your eyes and hoping for a different vision on the next day. I invite you to do it if you can... but i wonder if you really desire to do so. After all, you are as guilty as me. You could have tried to prevent this from happening but you finally did nothing. I think that deep inside you there is a thirst of knowledge, no matter how evil or dark this may turn to be. Maybe there is no option for you either, no way back to innocence. Perhaps...we are not so different after all.

Follow me and we will discover it

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