Monday, 26 July 2010

XXXIII


Some days it may look as if I was someone normal. You can think about it and still consider it that way. After all, it is quite established that a certain degree of intellectual internal debate leads you to some sort of madness sooner or later. Let's just say that to me it arrived slightly earlier than to the rest of you. So, don't be afraid of me. Not yet, at least. Sit there and try to focus on what I have to tell you.

On a normal day I don't feel like ripping the flesh out of my randomly selected victim. I don't stare at her eyes while she empties her whole blood on me. The fear in her eyes as she is completely stolen her identity and freed from the burdens of her soul. The brutal need for violence only appears in strange days, like these last weeks. Normally I am more classy. I like to wait on time and space equations to place me where I should be. With the years I have learned to dance between the periods of time, being part of them instead of obeying to their childish designs. I grow my decay in the dark, melting my blackened soul with the eroding kiss of the fog at night. I like to beat the darkness of this world with my superior opaqueness of my inhuman mind. It is the night that feeds from creatures like me, becoming blacker when I am walking among the living.

For that I should say that you have been quite a fool tonight. You were walking on the streets, wondering if you would ever return to the life that you considered so miserable. Before meeting me. You knew you had to run, you were fully aware that Death without solace was waiting for you at the end of the street and yet you didn't cease to get closer to me. I wonder why people are so fascinated with being brutally dismembered of their humanity and dignity.

There is no romanticism in what I do, no gentle kiss, no dream that will become eternal. I bring madness in you, you think it will be over soon but in fact it becomes more painful and increasingly disturbing. I pierce my hate in you so that you will never forget it, I bleed my anger into you so that you will forget all the laughter you may have experienced before. I eat your heart and lick the tears you wished you could cry. You see yourself breaking open before me, knowing that I do not care a little bit about your feelings. This act of brutality doesn't dignify anybody, it is the glory of the unfair, the tribute to chaos and injustice. And yet you always come looking for me.

Now get up and get close to me. Tell me what I am not and swear to yourself that it is going to be fine. It will be long and gruesome, your scream will last forever in the night's breeze and I will be the last image you will keep from this world. After it's finished you will keep me inside you until you wake up in the underworld. In its warm bloody waters you will be reborn. Not remembering the exacts reasons for it, you will live from that moment on looking for me in your dreams, feeding your own hate with the memories of my murder. One day, when all the hate and vice inside you will build a new heart, blacker than mine for I will also grow in it. You will walk your lives just to indict revenge on me.

You will find me waiting for you, sitting by my future grave. You will bite my entrails out, splash my insanity on the voids of time until the world wipes myself from its history. One drop will find its way through the cracks, slowly reaching the soil under the labyrinth of distorted chaotic roads of this world. It will end up joining the other drops, the other hopes, the rest of the lies. In the lake of oblivion I will find another reason to exist, another victim to kill. Another fountain to drink my lack of wisdom from.

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