Saturday, 21 July 2012

Shedding Skin

At first, it is just a shade of heavy air at the end of your breath. At times, you would think it is a sour taste in your mouth when you awake. A sip of water will erase it, you imagine. Then it leaves your mouth and it welcomes himself into your temples. They double their cadence, so beautifully synchronized in their painful touch. You won't forget about them with painkillers because it is not a physical displeasure.

It is growing inside your psyche and you barely realise it won't leave you during the day.

It will only increase and pump your blood away from it. It shifts, bites your brain with all sorts of different appearances so you can't fully believe they all respond to the same stimulation.

The feeling grabs your hand and takes you to the darkest coin in your flat. The walls feel closer to you, their kiss on you aura taint your mood, alter your balance, knock down your will. It grows its cobwebs on you and you feel the crawling touch of its spider on your back. You anticipate the fear, the scream, the bite...but it never comes, but the spider grows bigger on your back.

The night falls and you cannot remember why you were up in any case. You try to reach the bed as if it was a magic door into salvation. In fact, you are digging your hole into the pit in your brain. You open a wound that bleeds out your psychotic fears and complexes.

You drown in your own rivers from the deepest circles of Hell inside your soul. You want it to end but it swallows you more and more into you. The biggest fall, the infinite pain is disappointing and only the cry will split your heart up once and for all.

The mirror of your mind is not made of glass after all. You can't break it in pieces, it only takes your fist and covers it in filthy black matter. The rope on your side sticks between your fingers, licking on your skin, becoming a solid thick black wax drop that never burns hot enough.

You will never become as black as your insides are. You won't be able to double the anxiety, fear, darkness inside you. The process will end when you realize that tomorrow you will be that other person that you don't want to be. It will all finish when your carcass opens up and allows a new life to breathe.

You will start being coughed up and will finally rest, a dark heavy cloud finally dissolving in the morning rain.

No comments:

Post a Comment