If only I was dead, things would have turned out easier for everybody, I guess.
The truth is that I spent much time obeying the laws of time, respecting the dogmas I had always considered mine. I did what I was told.
I tried to rest in peace.
It's actually not that tough. You just close your eyes and try to forget everything that you did the days before. Progressively you delete the next week and then the next month in your mind. Life seems as fragile and vulnerable as the text you are reading now. Who prevents you from getting away from it, erasing it or just ignoring that you once opened this page? What sticks your sight to the screen right now?
Nothing stopped me from gradually getting rid of all of my carcass thoughts, the shell in which my mind had dwelt in my life. It felt as comforting as a sip of wine by the candlelight of a French tavern. Somewhere lost, a memory leaves and a new thought takes its place in your soul.
Little by little my life was gone, and by no means I wanted to leave the rest of the parts of me being emptied without finding new blood, new flesh and a new soul instead.
One night I found myself crawling out of my grave, grinding my way out of the rest of my filthy past, its pestilence giving way to a new form of body. A body that I would soon recognize in the mirror and I would call me.
I dressed up with the promises of a future that had just come to me. I would perfume the skin I now gave shape with the rest of the lives that I was born with.
And yes, I came back to that tavern and sat by the same window. I ordered a new wine and I kissed the lips of a new woman. We went to the same bed and we wrote new fantasies on the same blankets. I took her life by the last orgasm and I closed her eyes with my hands again.
No need for coins when you know the river has too many sides to reach. No need for luck when the ship always sails to this side of the existence.
I took their lives one by one, always taking my victims to the other side by the hand, an orgasm sealing the deal from this side to the other.
Gently into the dark, deep into the abyss
Their blood was drained by the rain inside the houses, the dump in our souls that never dries.
There is always somebody willing to lick someone's wounds, never mind his own ones.
And thus I find myself in front of you. Looking at you, draining you with each of my thoughts. You came to me on your will and you will leave yourself with me. I will take you into those streets that you always feared they existed. With each step you will find yourself unable to stop yourself. You will feel braver with each drop of dark rain covering your spirit, your soul slowly fading under the thick moist light of my shadow.
Here and there, with this body or with others, we will always find a way to meet again and drain each other in lust.